sudah lah, aku benci dia!

aku benci dia.
benci kalau aku asyik ingat pada dia.
benci tunggu panggilan atau sms dari dia.

benci kalau dia buat aku gelak.
benci kalau aku rindu dia.
benci betul.

paling benci.
bila dia buat aku rasa suka, rindu dan gembira dengan dia.
pada masa yang sama,
tak ingat pada aku, tak sms aku, tak call aku.

(benci betul)

...it's written on the wind...

I don't know if I have any guts left

After you leave me.

I don't know if I could feel anymore

After you leave me.

I don't know if I could love anymore

After you leave me.

I don't know if love really exist

After you leave me.

Then I found light

Then I woke up

Then I think, life does not end here

and I become stronger than ever

I promise that I'll never ever cry again

for somebody like you

or for anybody...

And then one day.....

you call.

does it make me feel better?

note: does it make me feel better? winning? to find out you life isn't much easier? does it make me feel better to learn thet you are leading a terrible life? I don't know.

but it doesn't end, cause I'm stronger now, no matter how difficult it is to move on, it is always more difficult to carry on. 

my confusion, your doing

this thing I wanna know.

I've accept that this is just a temporary
I've accept that this feeling is not mutual
I've accept that I might have thought wrongly
I've accept that you actually treat others the same way, maybe better
I've accept that I am not an important figure to you, and maybe you to me...

But..

Why do you have to seems to care to what I do?
Why do you have to seems to care to what I write?
Why do you have to seems to care to where I post my photo?
Why do you have to seems to care to how I live my life?
Why do you have to seems to care to what I eat?
Why do you have to seems to care to what I think?
Why do you have to seems to care to what I feel?
Why do you have to seems to care to where was I at certain time?

Why do seems to know as if you follow what I did?

Just stop all that and I'll be fine.
Cause I'm born to survive.
Cause I'm not born to make others suffer.
Cause I'm not born to depends on others.
Cause I'm born to make others smile.
all the people around me.

Even if it makes me cry...

player

I want to sit on the sidelines and watch.

I want to do nothing but sit, and watch.

You.

And them.

In silent.

This is just a game I cannot lose.

And I can't wait for Monday...

This was few days ago.

It was how it is in my head.

But I guess it was just that.

And it's gone.

And I'm ok.

Then you come to see me on Friday.

demmit.

i must be crazy right?

dulu-dulu ada satu lagu N'Sync "God must have spent a little more time on you"

but,

that's not what I wanna say..

I just think, that I keep thinking of you this few days. Even tho' I don't know how and why and what's gonna happen.. or will I hurt again (there is some high chance, high possibility)..

So saying I'm missing u must be crazy right, I must be craaazzzyyyyy rightt....? sigh~